


Orbit

by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel



Series: Synchronous orbits [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel needs more hugs trufax, Friendship, M/M, Unrequited Love, season 6, why do you break my heart show why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-01
Updated: 2012-02-01
Packaged: 2017-10-30 10:54:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/330971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel/pseuds/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the end, it always comes back to Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Orbit

**Orbit**

In the end, it always comes back to Dean.

Castiel has become accustomed to this. It is inconvenient, and annoying, and slightly baffling: but he has come to accept it, and these days is more resigned than frustrated at the inexplicable strength of his attachment.

Castiel is well-aware that others, particularly angels, do not understand his devotion to Dean. Dean is belligerent. He is insensitive, gluttonous, and hardly a genius for all he is not unintelligent. He has a dependence on casual fornication and a borderline alcohol problem, and is deficient in interpersonal skills. He frequently refuses to listen, often insults the few friends and family he possesses, is argumentative and often lacks understanding.

Castiel does not entirely understand it either, but all his – extensive – knowledge of Dean’s (not inconsiderable) faults doesn’t change his feelings in the least.

Because Dean is loyal, and determined, warm – for all he may deny it, he is surprisingly soft-hearted and has a great deal of charm – remains constant to his moral convictions, and possesses a complicated and self-destructive streak of nobility that prompted him to walk into Hell for his younger brother, and which held him adamant against the forces of Heaven no matter what they put him through in an attempt to force his consent to Michael.

Somehow, weighed against everything else, Dean’s faults not only don’t matter, but can be infuriatingly endearing at times.

Castiel knows that no other angel has ever felt as he does. This complex, flawed, possessive love is not something that angels are supposed to be capable of.

Castiel is an anomaly; he should be trying to purge himself of this taint to his angelic nature, but he is ‘so far gone’ that somehow it has become the most precious thing in the world to him.

The idea of not loving Dean – of not feeling insensibly brightened by his presence – of feeling disdain or contempt towards his flaws – fills Castiel with a sense of unspeakable horror, even in the abstract.

Castiel knows that Dean does not feel the same for him. If Dean feels this sort of devotion for anyone, it is Sam alone, not Castiel. Never Castiel.

Castiel doesn’t know why it hurts so much. He has always understood that Dean cares for no one as he does Sam.

But still, to give everything for Dean, over and over again, and never receive anything like that commitment in return? To receive barely a word of thanks and be taken for granted? It burns in him, the injustice and lack of reciprocation he receives.

He’s not asking for much. He knows it won’t come. But little more than nothing at all? It hurts. It hurts so very much.

Sometimes, Castiel understands why Gabriel became so unhappy and bitter and faithless. And very occasionally, he thinks that he can even understand why Lucifer wanted to destroy the world.

In the end, they just wanted to be loved.

  



End file.
